Excerpt #2273
Filed Under (Excerpt) by Morbid Romantic on Jul 23, 2008 @ 2:43 am
Post Word Count: 246
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All the ETC: 
At first, she was so desperately scared to be alone that it sent her into an instant panic. The thought of abandonment was so hurtful and so terrifying that she would do or say anything to keep people close to her. She would break down into tears and begs, plead, say frantic things no matter how pathetic or low it took her. That was a small price to pay next to the fear that she would be left all alone with nothing and no one, pointless. Existing without really being in existence.
There came a point, though, where she decided that nothing was preferable to this. In exchange, she would have to give up the desire and pleasure of human closeness. To want it would be to love it and vice versa. In order to never be hurt by it, she would have to devalue it, to lower it to the level of nothing.
After a while, this became second nature. It was no longer through any act of force or through necessary self-delusion that she had to mitigate closeness, being with someone. It got to where she preferred being alone to the tedious stress of having someone around. Being alone was no longer the worst possible end, but the best. She began to see having someone around her as a threat to her stability, to the calm and predictable world that she had built around herself.
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